I do not want your love. #Keep it in your head#

I have been trying to write on this topic for a while but with a poetry structure in my head, but for some reason it is not working. I have about 6 started but stopped half way attempts in the spoken word direction on the topic but I seem to either be overwhelmed with my critical analysis of my very next word that I lose the word and feel only the emotion.

While sitting at church yesterday, it dawned on me, why are you trying to limit the emotions in a structure when you can freely write about it, in an article. That is why I am here people, to release my mind from itself. J

I enjoyed motivational books when I was younger, because they took my mind away from present boundary into a world of impossibilities, and then when I am done with the book, I get back to my present telling myself I will break through the boundary of fear, doubt, lack, insecurity and most especially boundary of myself. I told myself this until the next situation comes and it passes through me exposing all the weaknesses, and then the next motivational book was the drug.

And then I grew older.
I learnt that no human word can change you, no person’s life can renew yours, and no wealth can transform you, until you understand you for who you are. A temporary fix to a problem just reveals more problems. Until you understand you have short comings just as everyone else, remember who created you, believe in yourself, and desire to be better , the spirit of comparison will come upon you, that you will be blinded and cannot realise your benchmark is human.

Then I grow older yet again.

I started reading books on relationships, love, sex and emotions. Waiting and dating was the first book I consciously read that I recommended it to everyone I knew. I felt it had key information that if only we knew, we won’t be making mistakes, so can someone please explain to me why I still made a mistake? Topic for another day.

I have liked on Face Book, pages on relationships and marriages and still doing so because I am consciously training my mind to understand what is key to my emotional sanity. Love. I know one of my purpose on earth is to fulfill God’s Kingdom in my home, so I am in every way I can, training my mind on marriage matters, relationship issues, solutions, articles, notes, etc. The ones I end up liking always have something in common. God

One I read ‘Women don’t buy gifts for him. Sit pretty. If he loves you, He will show it. #which I agree to, after all Love is in action not words#
The Bible said, I Corinthians 13 vs 5b say Love does not seek its own. # Which I want to believe contradicts the above. Why wait to receive, when you can give?#

An article I read wrote ‘Do not be blind in Love. If he cannot seek to do things that you want, then leave the relationship, because in marriage and added responsibility, you are simply on your own.  #Which I kind of understand because relationship should be about sacrifice and seeking another over you#

The Bible said, I Corinthians 13 vs 7  says Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. #Which I believe contradicts the above because why would I want to leave a relationship just because he doesn’t do what I want? Has God ever left the relationship we have with Him just because we didn’t do what He wanted?#

You see my problem is this: a time is coming, when before our daughter or son will decide to say Hi to someone, that they will need to check a book to confirm if they are standing in the right position, having the right flavour of breath mint, wearing the right colour of socks, and smelling the right kind of way.

Why do I say this?

We have so easily forgotten that there is a chapter that talks about Love in the Bible, the Bible which is authored by Love Himself.

Why do we forget?

You see, I have realised with my acquired knowledge of love in its practical way, that we have unconsciously divided the way we see love while dating and the way we see love in marriage that I really do not know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

You see while dating, it is a popular advice but skewed in my opinion, when people say ‘Do not be in a hurry to pick up his call when it comes through, you are giving him the expression that you are too easy. Huh! Excuse me am a bit confused. When my phone rings I pick it up, why should I have a tactic for picking up a call, most especially from someone that I care about?

In marriage, this strategy cannot work because If you do not pick up your husband’s call when it comes through, be worried when he stops calling because someone else is picking up his call and it is definitely not you.

Another example, would be while dating don’t let him know everything about you. Some say you need to feed him the right amount of data and some say introduce who you are gradually and you need to know if he has the strength to handle you. I am really confused on this. Yes I agree that when someone shows interest in you, it is simply an act of showing. With prayer and understanding, if both of you decide to make a path with end goal of marriage, you need to reveal yourselves to one another by spending quality time, communicating, and just observing etc; but why are we told that we should hide who we are and then in the next line told to be ourselves?

Now in marriage, they said if love is blind, marriage is the eye opener. In marriage there is no hiding because you now one with your spouse. In fact this is when the real you is exposed in full glare because your personality would be tested, put in trails in all manner of situations.


My thoughts continued..

Books are ways of transmitting personal experiences to another’s mind. You know why I think it is hard to be ourselves? Because we really do not have the opportunity to do so for we are consciously and unconsciously fed by other people selfs’ that we are simply a mirage of others.

Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life (Proverbs 4 vs. 23) He sure knew what He was talking about and it explains silently the extent to which we should simply not open the gates of your heart to all sorts.

We all have gates. We need to decide if what will open the gates would simply be a push, wind, air, breath, bricks, rocks, stones, body weight, words, money, emotions, insecurity, affection, gifts, eye wink, hand shake, flat tummy, self-awareness, high heels, lip stick, cologne, or people’s perception of keys.

We all have ourselves for ourselves and in our imperfection we seek to hide because we have learnt that no one would like this or that or it chases people away. I always tell myself that there is someone out there who has been given the strength to handle my short comings. Until we love our self, we truly cannot love another. Until we understand Love God’s way, we are simply producing distorted pregnancies which will deliver stinking gas, which we cannot control who inhales it; could be those reading the articles, those listening to our messages, our neighbor kids or our friends.

Love is the purest emotion and yet it is used as a manipulating recipe. Love is the most innocent of all conscious decisions yet, we have managed to damp it in such a way that we analyse it every move.

Love will continue to be a subject of decisions because we humans are so smart we don’t want to believe it can be this good, that we enjoy putting our ‘spin’ to it.

Think on this:

The Excellence of Love

1If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.2If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.3And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.9For we know in part and we prophesy in part;10but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.11When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.13But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.