To Forgive or not To Forgive?

Forgiveness is not of the mouth, it is of the heart. Sometimes you reject scenarios that you prayerfully hope do not happen to you and I join you in prayer; But, just when they do, what would you do? This is where the true test of so many things kicks off. You get a sudden rude awakening forcing you out of your perceived reality into another reality.

You will be tested in so many levels. Depending on the degree of the relationship, so would your test differ. You would ask yourself so many questions, look for answers, accuse and shed some hot tears. You would be deeply tested because the ones we love the most are the ones who have the power to hurt us the most. We have given them our heart even if we recite on a daily basis ‘Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life’. We are human and cannot always be one step ahead of the heart-step. We cannot plan ahead the specific percentage we should let someone in and because we love them we end up letting them in fully. After all, Love should have no heart-boundaries.

Test list:

The personal evaluation of who you think you are will be tested.

Your self-esteem would be put on a platter of mental tests.

The foundation of your/the relationship will be called to question.

Your weakness/strength of the relationship will be tested.

Your concept of the meaning of love would be tested.

Your ability to fight and flee or fight and remain will be tested.

Your everyday living activities will be tested.

Your concept of rationality will be tested.

Your gift of remembering the past dreams and signs you saw will be enhanced.

Your idea of the other person would be brought to interrogation.

Their promises/words would be alphabetically tested.

Your ability to link current scenarios to previous situations would be tested

Your gift or non-gift of in-depth analysis of every single detail will be tested

Your body will be tested.

Your soul will be tested

Above all, your Spirit will be tested.

Would you forgive based on how sorry the ‘accused’ is?, Would you forgive based on ‘how many experiences of such you have had and how you told yourself if you smell such, it would be the plane ticket out?’, Would you forgive because you want to clean your heart room, let go of all ill-spirits and locking it up this time around for a very long time? Would you forgive ‘based on how much you want the relationship to work?’ or would you forgive because God said ‘you need to make up with anyone before you can approach Him?’  Would you even think about forgiving or consider it as an option?

The simple truth I believe is, you need to make up your mind that you would forgive before the incidence and not the other way around. I believe forgiveness is an end product and Grace from God is the shoe we wear through the process/journey. (We often say we have Grace from above, whenever we face hard situations or challenges, but do you know one can have a failing mentality and still be holding on to Grace?  What good is Grace if we do not have a mind-set of victory? My analytical mind would say, that sounds like Faith, and my same mind reminded me that when Peter wanted to walk on water, and Jesus called him forth, He did not stand in the boat waiting to appear on water, He walked! In one way or the other, the mouth can say Grace, but what happens externally starts from what the MIND declares!)

If you have the mind-set that you will wait for it to happen first and  God will grant you the Grace to forgive when it happens, you would not be able to let that Grace permeate you as it would seem as  mere air and your emotions would be the only real thing you feel, tugging into your mind, analysing what happened and didn't happen, creating scenarios, way out for him/her that he/she could have escaped, playing a million times in your mind the picture over and over again, reliving every single detail, and hurting yourself over and over again because for every time you think about it, you see another reason to be hurt and yes those reasons are true, not falsified because this person truly shattered you in pieces. There would be no space for Grace just yet because as you go down on your knees to ask for it because you truly deeply need it to breath, when you get up, you will unconsciously still relive what caused the hurt in the first instance.

The pastor asked me’ Do you have a word?’ you need a word to hold on to. You need God to give you a word or a revelation or a message that you would hold on to regardless of the storms, issues, pains, disappointments, short comings and tears. He asked again’ Find that word for yourself because it is beyond what has happened. It is in that word, you will find strength and Grace when you need it and in that word you would hold on to God because He does not lie and if He has given you the green light for this, He is on the driver seat and never got off for one second.

Forgiveness is hard, and I won’t sugar coat it. It is so hard that it can pull something away from you leaving a hole to be filled and the content of the filling is entirely up to you.

Forgiving another is almost as if you are acting as a fool (in the everyday standard) because truly if you told another the situation, you know what they will tell you. It is like been blind/numb to something that is tearing you apart because you know that if you did what everyone did, it is not who you are.

Forgiveness is getting on your knees praying for the already given Grace to start working ASAP and praying for the other person. It is cheating your mind to do what it doesn't want to do.

Forgiveness is letting go completely… even when you want to hold on to that one reason why you shouldn't  Why should you let go of the pain, when you were the pained? Why should you release the other person when they put your tears on full speed? Because it makes you bitter and clouds your mind and thoughts with vile, sad things.

Forgiveness is not doing the other person a favour; it is doing you a favour. To breathe again, live again, feel again, be more matured again, be victorious again, be one with lessons learnt again, smile again, love again, put the enemy to shame after all your joy is his meal, walk with head held high, rejoice again, laugh again, increase your standards higher than the last and be confident of who you are.

Nobody could have pulled that off and you just did. Why? Because you are extremely exceptional.  You would not go through the heat, if your creator did not think you were more than the heat. The child of God. Yes, you went through the pain, but who is standing, You.  Yes the hurt got you bed ridden, but who is standing now, You.

Imagine Jesus forgave all those people that beat him, spat at him, abused him, ridiculed him and yet, He said Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing!. I am sure you are saying right now, yea, she knew what she was doing with him and she did not even defend our relationship and I am sure you might also be saying, he sure did know when he was doing that to her even with eyes wide open even with me in the picture, but imagine if for one minute we exhaled and said, ‘Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing’.. Wow!

Jesus stands on our behalf in Heaven, interceding on our behalf, because we fall short every single second and yet we are blessed, fruitful, filled with blessings.. Another reason I say ‘thank God, God is God and not man!’

I do not know what phase you are in, maybe the blinds are pulled down and the room is so dark, no speck of light can penetrate, or maybe you are inhaling the dust from the many mental cob-webs that seem to invade your privacy, or just maybe you are crawling out of the bed looking for the money to buy the broom to clean up the mess caused, or just maybe you are simply exhausted. I want you to remember something: You would not be going through it, if you were not more than it. You are going through it because you are more than it.  

How did I know I was making progress? When I saw what caused it and I refused to look at it.

Romans 6 vs 1&2: Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?