As you consider becoming one....!

When we date, how we are perceived by the interested party is largely as a reason of who we portray ourselves to be; Time invested in knowing one and another is so important but can never be enough even if we date for 10 years and above. I believe this is one of the reasons I hear some married people say marriage is an eye opener, what they didn't know has taken them by surprise, some men say the woman changes as soon as becomes married and the woman says, the man no longer makes any effort so you better enjoy dating while it lasts and you begin to wonder, what is inside this marriage that these women sound traumatised and the men sounding like lost warriors?!

So what they don’t tell you about marriage:

Your weakness/issues/insecurities is exposed NOT covered up. Oh you don’t have any weaknesses? Ha! You know that thing which you do where you forget to wash your plate for 2 days or that habit you have of getting annoyed when someone yawns close to you or that habit of cutting your nails and leaving on the floor or that habit of gulping loudly like you are swallowing a toad or that habit of waking up and sitting on the bed confused for few minutes or that habit of sulking just because someone is too slow for your liking or that habit of getting infuriated when he/she says Hi to the opposite sex or that thing that comes upon you when you are stressed and you begin to stomp around the house like falling bricks or that habit of spending money like it is about to explode in your hands or the habit of hating to iron your clothes or the habit of not liking to share some certain breathing space with someone else or the habit of you running fast with an idea and you decide all before you even let someone else have an input on it or the habit of over saving yet all around you are in famine or that habit of wearing the same pair of cloth material over a lengthy period just because you like the feel on your skin or that habit of creating a mess and forget to uncreate it or that habit of going into mute mode when you are pissed off and it takes a village to make you speak up or that habit of telling your guy/girlfriends everything and anything or that habit of checking through every social media account of your partner not because you work for the FBI but because you are the head of the FBI, or that habit of wondering why you do all the work and the other person makes all the requests etc.. (Fill in the rest)

My opinion is all these are weeds of missing seeds/ tender seeds/ seeds in growth process.. Seeds like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control.

You see we all have some uniqueness/habits that need attending that are embedded in us and for some people they got it under control in that, they can orchestrate when it brings out its head to breathe or to simply look around and then go back buried. However the moment we decide to share the same breathing air with someone over a marriage life time, that is the perfect breeding ground for this head to come out in all its gory and glory!

Your 'coolness' got her but it sure won’t keep her because when you wake up in the morning with some mouth dew from the night before, she doesn't see swag, she faints!

Your ‘I'm all kept together, can’t hurt a fly, that’s how I roll, snap finger, cock your head’ got him closer to start a conversation which kind of led to both of you saying I do isn't what would keep him because when you decide to take away that ‘almost near permanent weave’ you got on your head, all he is reminded of is its similarity to some island with few trees!

Your ‘I am going to pray with you and for you and I got you till eternity speech made her/him call you Priest/virtuous woman but when you are in your moment of self-doubt and all you see are the waves of empty bank accounts that are more of banks than accounts or when you are in the moment of self-insecurity and they begin to wonder, where was the confidence that attracted me? What are you going to do?

Ok seriously, don’t go in thinking, the issues you wisely avoided or buried would suddenly disappear because they won’t. They would arise to threaten your character and you begin to question who you are as a woman/man, a mother/father or a wife/husband. I am sure this is the reason why most preachers talk about being single as a person before thinking of dating. Being single simply means accepting you for you and transforming yourself through the image of Him who created you (God) and not looking for another human being to ascertain your worthiness. Knowing yourself would be the best compass in knowing/identifying who can bring out the best in you but not save you, because that is God’s.

The kind of spouse we have can help us work on our uniqueness/habits that need attending to or help it grow till it is out of control. You would not know how much of a debate queen (argumentative) your wife is until you create such an environment and you would not know how much of an overwhelming protective husband you have until you decide to call all the men in your life ‘dear’ ‘darling’ and mistakenly slip ‘baby’ to the mix of names as if their native name is not good enough to be written or said.

This uniqueness/habits that need attending to, does not summarise/define their person but how you handle/correct/accept them would define the outcome of so many things ranging from if you want to eat that day to the future of the home. You can never know all about someone before you say I DO, that’s the fun about marriage. Marriage in my definition is – A REVELATION YOU NEVER SAW COMING! LOL

Iron sharpens iron. Goodness breeds Goodness. Patience breeds patience. Understanding breeds understanding. Communication breeds communication. Transparency breeds transparency. Godliness breeds Godliness. Marrying someone is Marinating with them. Immersing all of you into all of them that there is nothing to hide. You do not have the power to remove all the excesses of your husband/wife, but you have the ability to bring out the very best of them until the excesses is history.

Most of us have high taste when it comes to choosing a life partner and that is a great need, do remember that the kitchen experience that results to such taste differs from person to person. The end product is great but would you rather get burnt in the process or inspired?
Correcting in love and accepting in love is very essential if two different people, with two different backgrounds, experiences and mind-set are going to co-existing without a world war VII starting! No one is perfect and even the near-perfect ones have got issues that are loudly glaring i.e. their OCD lol

 It is better to joke over how she eats her chicken than to scold her for her lack of lady-like manners. It is better to tease him over his turkey eating skills than to explain to him in details how that is not a pleasant sight. My point exactly is accept in love and correct in love. It will not take one day to make a change, but one day can change the next day. Be ready to patiently expand yourself in ways you thought did not exist and do not underestimate the power of friendship.

Always remember- Marriage is a beauty-full reality.

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