STOP! You are about to destroy your RELATIONSHIP!

I have an unwritten post on the topic of ALENIC- Expectation when wanting to choose a life partner. Alienic because it is neither divine nor even ordinary and the opposite of these benchmark has to be out of space aka Alien. I would write more on that much later.

Today’s post is one that is relatable to both the single and the married.

To summarise it, in my metaphoric way, here it gores “The man/woman who plays with fire, trusting his saliva to quench it off his/her fingers as he puts them in his/her mouth, would soon realize that his/her saliva has become hotter than the fire.

Oh well, that’s my attempt on a proverb! Now unto serious matters.

One of the usual aftermaths of getting into a serious relationship or even getting married is that consciously (I do not want to believe it is unconscious, because I think this is where the problem starts from!), our life revolves and evolves round our loved one. We begin to have common friends and common enemies. 

All the ‘opposite sex best friend, opposite sex prayer partner, opposite sex friend in need, lover, one I call when I need a ride, one I call when I need a date, one I call when I need to lament, one I call when I am bored, one I call because he/she gets me, one I call when I feel like calling someone, one I call to make me feel good about myself, one I call but I know I am to stop calling, etc” begin to reduce and then really miraculously disappear. 

The calls synonymous with these ‘associations/relationship’ reduce and then it becomes a very irrelevant part of your life because really, if you want to be truthful to yourself, most of such associations were not healthy ones and probably founded on the basis of selfishness, idleness, boredom or heartbreak.

Moving on to the core of this post; Which is about, letting go of these un-healthy associations (because we are aware it is just like housing the devil and telling him not to steal from you, as this relationships living with your ‘serious’ relationships is bound to steal from you) and then going back consciously to look for matches to light the darkness of its banishment.

Ok in simple terms, Why would you consciously let go of such relationships?because truthfully, you are aware they are pot holes for the advancement in your serious relationship or even in your marriage.

 All of a sudden you get ‘comfortable’ and DECIDE to ‘innocently’ reach out to this broken cord and say stuffs like:  ‘Hey, I just wanted to know how you are doing, it has been a while! OR Hey, long lost friend, you good?! OR ‘Hey darling, this is my number we have not talked in a while; you should call/text me! OR Hey, my long lost friend, how now, I can’t find you on my BB anymore?! OR Hey friend, I have missed you o! You just abandoned me, whats up?!  OR Hey boo, you still in town, Call me lets catch up, we sure had fun back in the days!

I am sure you get my point. If this person is now the one you are with, AWESOME!  If not, there is a reason he/she was not on your BB or any social media accounts anymore. There is a reason you cannot remember if he/she is still in town. There is a reason why you lost his/her number, so , what happened to these reasons?

I think the annoying one is ‘Hey, I just thought about you and decided to reach out’..This one is the blank check approach. The approach of, I am making a move to rekindle but I want to know how you still feel about me…Now, common!!

Now, if you remember I wrote above that the severance from such relationship is conscious and not unconscious. Why? Because unconscious means the relationship with the ‘circumstantial opposite sex best friend magically disappeared, which means it can magically appear!!” Unconscious severance means you asked for grace but the sin is well hidden. Unconscious severance means at the back of your mind you are packing enough saliva because you know you would put your hand in fire in the future. Unconscious severance really means your mind has committed the sin; it is all about how long it would take for your body to do the same.

What am I on about? There is a reason you let go before, why do you need to look back? Please do not tell me, it is harmless reaching out or the Bible said Live peacefully with all men, nah, boo! let’s not use a verse to console our verselessess! I do not want to go deep into maybe you had an argument with your boy/girlfriend, fiancé/fiancée, husband/wife, and then fond memories with another opened up magically in your mind! My friend FIX IT! Do not create room for the serpent to move in because it might take you ages to chase that slimy creature out!

In summary, Be careful so you do not set yourself and your relationship/marriage up. If you truly value your relationship, you won’t hold your diamond with one hand and pack stones with the other.  Diamond is bound to fall off, it requires commitment, value, attention and everything good!

Choose your battles wisely! The devil is distributing issues for free, do not get a buy one get one deal from him. Do not ask for a number or rekindle a buried association, if you know  the other end of the call is not Christ-like or the association is unequally yoked.

x

Now on the topic of GIVING UP

My mind has been so busy trying to do all things and nothing at the same time.  I say nothing because really by the time you are trying to accomplish everything at once, you are drained, feeling exasperated and then feel like you have not accomplished anything at all.

Motivational speakers always talk about commitment and it is a common word that easily spills out as an answer to probably every purpose, vision or mission related question. But let’s talk about commitment.

I believe that if you are truly doing the dance of commitment very well, your whole body would feel it and I do not just mean physical but mental and all things related to reasoning.

"We remember what we understand; we understand only what we pay attention to; we pay attention to what we want." - Edward Bolles

Commitment is not for the faint-hearted but the focused-hearted.  It is the ability to be un-wavering regardless of the annoying bumps of self-doubt or project-doubt. It is the skill to be on the same lane, even if the next one is screaming your name in neon lights and looks like it is moving faster than the one you are pedaling through.

It is so easy to talk about it but it takes strength to see results.  Strength we all have but strength has us as well!

I love this quote that says ‘commitment is staying loyal to thing you said you were going to do, long after the mood you said it in has left you.’

I believe this summarizes it all. That excitement of starting that new business, getting that contract, being the supervisor, getting married, giving birth, working on that course, teaching those students.... works well with the moment.. The moment of world-impact and impart. Just that exciting  moment the idea looks amazing to you.

Commitment begins after that MO-ment. 
Reality begins after that moment. The reality of motivating that team when you are not in the mood, actually finishing the assignments, loving your spouse when he/she is yet to re-ignite the spark, understanding the baby language, preparing that coursework, calling up the clients even when you know you have no orders yet...is the commitment.

Commitment- Commit Mentality. It involves decision, promise and judgment.

What are you committed to?