You are BEAUTY-FULL!

I watched a video recently (WATCH HERE>>  https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=354775278011959 ), and I shed tears with no restrain.

This video summarizes a lot we face as women, it was eye opening and liberating at the same time. I used to wonder why it was so easy to go far and beyond for others, but when it comes to ourselves, we put our needs and wants at the very bottom. I used to wonder and it stopped being a thought because i noticed that was/is exactly what had become my reality and I am very confident I am not the only one with this reality.

Is this the nature of women? Someone once said that women are creators and multiplicators and that whatever you give to us is going to multiply, so men should be careful what they give to us. So, if we are naturally gifted into creating and multiplying cares and affection even to the person down the road and this spirals down into their family, how come we don’t do same to ourselves? Is it because in the first instance, we never actually count ourselves as a factor and for that reason we can’t multiply into anything, as we are all aware that whatever you multiply with zero is still zero.

As a girl, lady, woman, daughter, wife, employee, business owner, sister, in-law, friend etc. wearing many caps, there are so many opportunities for our esteem to hit rock bottom, for us to doubt our character, for us to regret, for us to smile, for us to cry, for us to be proud of ourselves, for us to question our motives, for us to fear if we are truly enough? for us to dis-belief the awesomeness that others see in us. Yes, there are so many opportunities for us to question ourselves as women.

Someone might say, that is life in general, but as a woman, I believe we are more in touch with our emotions that if care is not taken, emotions could become our god.

We try so hard to fit in and then try so hard to stand out. If they let us be, we would practically carry the world as women, that is just how we roll and this is why this video (WATCH HERE>>  https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=354775278011959 ) made me cry.

In my video on love (WATCH HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOZ-vgx5uUY  ) I defined love as ‘Love is You’. But it seems that some women have the gift of actually ‘loving’ the world but themselves and yes, love means sacrificing your needs for another but I strongly believe there is a balance.

You cannot give what you do not have. You cannot pull out what is not pushed in.

As women, we should find that ‘thing’ that can pour into us endlessly, so that we can give out endlessly.

For me, it is my relationship with my Heavenly Father in Heaven.

I wrote a poem below and it is stemmed from the perception that as women we are fond of pulling ourselves down. I believe that if we can be our sister's keeper, just maybe, when one of us stares into that mirror, we would see awesomeness and nothing less.

The woman you admire has her own secret struggle, so please do not use her car to judge the essence of your existence.

The model you try to pout like, is struggling with her demons, so do not go to the doctor for that extra lip because you think your life depends on it.

The lady down the street has her head down because her world is literally on her shoulders, so do not dare to judge her, because if you look within, you would not be so different from her.

That girl trying so hard to fit in, that today she is a girl and the next day she is in between, do not scoff at her, you do not go home with her and have no idea who is trying to come in between her, when she uses a pillow as the sponge for her tears

The mother who looks disheveled, you have no right to look down at her, look up at her children and you would see where it all goes.

As women, let us burn to ashes this notion, that when and where we gather, conflict and strife is nearby because we are more than that.

We have always being more and not less.

The mystery of Time

Masters are not masters because they take a subject to a conceptual end, they are masters because they realize there isn't one.
Be a master of time and know that truly, one second gone cannot be regained. Use your time wisely and let it not use you foolishly.

CLICK ON THE AUDIO BELOW:

https://soundcloud.com/somtospeaks/maximising-time

CONFIDENCE!

Now, what do i mean by this?

Confidence is like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. The mistake we so easily make is we think confidence is wearing the best dress off the stores with the best brands of makeup and some high heels or otherwise! No! you can still be a well dressed person with a bucket of self inferiority permeating through your perfume!

Confidence is more in what you as the carrier do not see but what we the On-lookers actually see because it starts from YOUR MIND but everything about you SCREAMS IT!


The mind might be the hub of thoughts on whether you believe in yourself or not but it has the invisible power of speaking to us about you more than your attire!

As you consider becoming one….! Part 2

Relationships are the corner stone of our everyday existence.  ‘It is not good for man to be alone’- is one statement that encapsulates it all. I think it is ironic that the introverts silently wish to be more sociable and the extroverts sometimes wish they can just put a cap to it. Like someone said, ‘the single look at the couple and wish to be married and the married look at the single and wish to be single’. Irony of life- wanting what others have while someone somewhere is praying for what we neglect.  Quoting the words of the Almighty, who said ‘and from the beginning it was not so!’

Today I am going to be writing on the topic of Trust.

This is a really subjective topic because of how versatile our background is. One of the definition of trust that I easily remember is ‘Trust is hard to build but very easy to destroy’.  I cannot categorically tell you to what degree you should let people in because personally I know with the upbringing most of us have had, when we meet someone for the first time they are bad until proven good or enemy until proven friend and this is deeply ingrained into our everyday relations with people. Trust is something we don’t take lightly because unconsciously it is an  heavy decision to have faith in another person apart from ourselves.

 I want to focus more on Spouse-Trust.

Let’s start by asking ourselves these questions:

Do I trust my spouse to be truthful?
Do I trust my spouse to be faithful?
Do I trust my spouse to be honest?
Do I trust my spouse to put my best interest first?
Do I trust my spouse to be selfless?
Do I trust my spouse to be a hands-on husband/wife?
Do I trust my spouse to be understanding?
Do I trust my spouse to be lovely/joyful/peaceful/patient/kind/good/faithful/have self-control?

Do you think these are too much to ask for? Right now some wives don’t even care about all these anymore and just want their husbands to acknowledge their existence and some husbands simply want their wives to be more patient. So yes, for some it might be too much questions and for some, a man who isn’t all of the above isn’t fit to be mentioned.

We do not consciously dissect the trust we have for our partners before we say I DO. Whilst dating (depending on your dating journal), you probably were the highlight of his/her world, every other living being and animal was secondary; all things you wanted was yours and you knew his/her every location, position and maybe passwords. There was not a reason to mis-trust, for some, maybe there was mis-trust and trust was rebuilt. My point exactly is, the trust you had prior to I DO, is not the same level of trust you need after I DO.

This is a good thing because it means you are in a relationship that is actually growing. The level of trust is not the same because things have changed. Values still remain the same but priorities and commitments have changed, emotions have matured and life just got real. The dice is been rolled every second and you just have to trust he/she is going to make the best decision for both of you. Work is going to get hectic and you just have to trust that he/she is not thinking of a 4^th party but of the excel sheet pending at work. Friends and relatives might not get the message but you just have to trust when he/she picks the call it is not to answer someone whose name sounds like candy or randy.  He/She might have genuinely had a late meeting and ended up been in the late traffic and that is why they he/she came back late. He/She would be overwhelmed more than once and you might feel neglected. There would be reasons to doubt your trust and it is all up to you to either believe in who you married or to listen to all the wrong voices telling you otherwise.

Why?

You cannot handle all the investigations, dissecting, analysis, manipulation, paranoia, bad thoughts, fear, snooping around and genuinely think you would have a tiny space for anything remotely good, lovely, perfect, honest, of a good report to actually take root! There is no SPACE! Everything rises and falls from the mind and since your mind is much occupied with why, where and fear, how can light shine through from inside to outside?

I hear excuses like, I really love you that is why I am paranoid about every little thing. Yes, I agree that might be a reason, but when will you have the time to love your spouse, if the only emotion you emit is fear? (There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, 1 John 4:18)

Someone said, people think marriage is a filled box when actually it is an empty box that is to be filled with what God has deposited inside of us’.. so imagine if the first thing we deposit is fear and we promise ourselves we are going to stop this and just trust and then we add suspicion to the mix and then fear. What people do not understand is that fear is addictive! It releases adrenalin and then you find it difficult to stop that self-harming habit. 

That one person who is supposed to be the bone of our bones and the flesh of our flesh, the one person who is supposed to be ‘me’ is the one person i do not trust, which in other words says i do not trust myself.

Personally, I believe that a marriage without trust is simply an empty hole filled with fear. Fear- because everything your spouse says is listened in doubt, every cloth/dress your spouse wears to work is scrutinised in fear, every beep on their mobile device makes your heart beat faster than necessary and every call taken without you present leads you to create a whole movie in your mind.

So please tell me, how can one live a normal, peaceful life in all this situation? How do you genuinely care for someone without feeling they are cheating on you? How do you concentrate in building your home if you think you are about to lose it for some reason or the other?

Trust. Without trust a home is built on sand and it does not take the external whirlwind to pull it down, just the internal wind. Do not let the enemy steal your home from you even before you start it.

The blind side of trust is some actually glorify in the fact they are human and make statements such as this to their spouses 'I trust you more than I trust myself’ in other words ‘Boo, put your trust in God because I have pre-mediated sin and I am going to disappoint you even if I say I won’t, because I am human!!’.

One statement to such spouses is’ what shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? Can I also fall into sin because I know we are stuck for life?

Don’t be selfish! Don’t dig your own hole waiting for the day you would fall into it, because YOU WILL!  We ought to strive unto perfection (Hebrews 6 vs 1), so what wisdom exactly is it to strive towards all things that stand against building a godly home, your home?

How?

Transparency. It is as simple as you want it to be. Couples have to realize they are not in the same stage as they started off and as they move from one level to another, they are not alone. Take your spouse along with you every length of the way, each step, each movement, each decision to the level where there's no shame in nakedness. You are not alone but you can choose to be lonely. 

Trust is another way of showing love, for it means, I love you enough to let you see into me and vice versa.

X

The Summary of Tyler Perry's Journey

Why did I put all my money into this? Is this going to work? God, do you hear me? Where are the people? I’m so scared. How will I pay these people? Why did I do this? I can’t pay my rent, they are going to repossess my car…

The year was 1992, July 8th-12th. All these questions were crowding my mind. I was a 22-year old wannabe... but what I wanted to be I didn’t know. All I knew was that I had written this play about adult survivors of child abuse and I wanted the world to see it. I was so sure that it was going to work that I put my own money into the show.

I had worked as a used car salesman and a bill collector and saved my income tax check and my bonuses. I took that money and hired a cast and built a set and rented a very small theater in Atlanta called the 14th Street Playhouse. I had done all the math in my head: I was going to perform 6 shows, 200 people a show, for a total of 1,200 people. The tickets were $12 and I was going to make $14,000 and be rich… LOL. I was going to give my tithe to the church, give my mother some money, pay my rent (that was two months behind), get my car payment caught up and live happily ever after. I knew as sure as I am sitting here that it was all going to be all right. I had prayed that thang out, as they say in the Baptist church… LOL. Looking back on it now I can laugh, but back then it wasn’t so funny. What I quickly realized is that prayer alone will not always get the results you want. As much work as I did, I didn’t do enough to promote the show. More work was needed to go along with my faith.

I was expecting 1,200 people but only 30 showed up. I was devastated. I thought my dreams were dead. Based off this one thing I thought my life was over. Based on this one failure (what I thought was a failure but it clearly wasn’t), I thought that the rest of my life would be ruined. Needless to say, looking back on it, it was all a part of God’s plan and amazing design for my life. And God has a plan for all of our lives.

Today I celebrate my 20th anniversary in show business. It’s been an amazing journey, one that I will detail in my autobiography one day. You would be surprised, inspired, angry and blown away with what I’ve endured to be here, but until then I’d like to share a little inspiration with you. So many times we think that because one thing didn’t go as planned we should give up on it. So many people leave their dreams dying on the floor, gasping for air because it didn’t work out the first time. Be it marriage, business, children, faith, whatever your dream is, you can't give up because it didn’t go as planned. If I had walked away because it didn’t work you wouldn’t be reading this. I had to keep moving. Yes, there were setbacks. Yes, it was difficult, but I got to see my dreams come to pass because I never stopped moving forward, I never stopped praying and most of all I never stopped believing. DON’T STOP BELIEVING!!!! PLEASE DON’T STOP BELIEVING!!! Say this to yourself out loud right now: “DON’T STOP BELIEVING”, and repeat it to yourself whenever you doubt that you can make it.

What you must understand is that everything, all of it, the good the bad and the ugly, it all works together for your good. If you love the Lord you are called according to His purpose. What’s His purpose for you? If you’re not sure, seek it and all your dreams will come true.

To all my dreamers, to all the people who have invested in themselves, to all the people who have the same questions that I did, hear me when I say this: YOU CAN DO IT!!

CELEBRATING 20 YEARS IN SHOW BUSINESS TODAY!!!!

God Bless you, in Jesus' name, AMEN!

-Tyler Perry